sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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