he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
