remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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