I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's blow job season.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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