so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
