puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
