sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
