how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
