okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
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