Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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