I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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