I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize