he shaved USA in his pubs
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
