I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
