There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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