Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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