He had one of those small greek statue penises
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
