how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize