Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
