I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
