i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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