hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
