at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
