you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
