I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
