you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
