you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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