Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
