I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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