Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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