You just made me feel so damn special
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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