her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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