You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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