Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
