It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
