I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
