Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
