im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize