Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
