How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
