Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
