Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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