My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
