i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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