Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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