Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
PANTIES FOUND
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
