Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
