That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize