Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
