I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
