he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
