I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just invented taco cereal.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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