Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
