Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
