Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
