YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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