3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
