I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
