dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
