so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
