My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
