Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
