id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
