There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
