12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
