she woke up with a sticky ear
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
