So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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