I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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