ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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