If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
