I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
