Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
