My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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