Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
