Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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