i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
