they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
MIDGETS
????
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
