Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
