the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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