Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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