I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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