I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She said her name was "party"
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
