Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I love having hate sex.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
