I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
