i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he was CRYING into my vagina
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
