ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
