Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
