Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
