Where is the hickey?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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