I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I could make wine with my vomit
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
