i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
