I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
