the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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