They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
