Just fell off a train. Bad.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Too much gin, very little bucket
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
