whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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