ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
