Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
