he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i will never coherently bang her
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
