you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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