why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
